Permission to "Awwwwww".

I think we can all agree that it's about time this week, this month and this year came to a fucking end. Here are some baby Kruger creatures to bring a brief moment of light to your meaningless existence.

He'll be stealing bread rolls from your car boot and snarling at you in no time.

Plotting to kill Mufasa.

It’s all about the microventure and I'm all about portmanteau

Other than our mobile phones, everything else is getting smaller – or maybe it’s just my bank balance... Either way, we all remember when Summer Roberts declared, “Mini is the new supersize” in Episode 2, Season 3 of The OC – obviously. Well that sassy, mid-noughties minx was on to something and this is just the sort of motto to apply to your travels. And I’m not simply talking about packing light, people.

Picking Pals: A brief guide to choosing travel companions

Unless your travels exclusively involve first-class flights and 5-star luxury (lucky bint, please be my friend) you’re going to experience occasional/very regular potholes on the road. Jozi-dwellers, I know we could write anthologies on the subject. So in bad times and the good it’s worth having a solid gang of miscreants to keep you company. I'm sure even solo travellers can recognise the need for a shared beer along the way.

Throwback Thursday - Mozambeach

As far as beach holidays goes it's hard to beat Mozambique. It's beautiful, cheap (mostly) and the African sun will turn you a glorious nut-brown. Tofo is our recommendation as there's lots to do and many reasonably priced places to stay - and it's far enough from SA that it's not completely overrun with arseholes on quad-bikes spraying sand into your GnT.

Turquoise ocean beckons

Nom, nom, nom – eating in the great outdoors

You’re out and about doing adventurous things and generally working up the sort of appetite worthy of a swash buckling daredevil like yourself. Now, mummy isn't here to make sure you finish all your Weetabix or to cut the crusts off your white bread sarmies so you have to fend for yourself.

Camping and food will, more than likely,  go one of two ways – the most delicious or the most shit. At least that’s the experience of this camp-fire cordon bleu. But never fear if you stumble down the path of the latter as a couple of heavy-handed bevvies and the limited light source can always work in your favour. Any grumblers can do the fucking washing up.

#tbt: Dressing Fancily

We live fancy lives. Fancy dress lives, that is. 

Okay, shit intro - I'll accept that, but just remember this: rather a shit intro than a shit life.

What a scream, it's Halloween!

So it’s Halloween and of course you fuckers are going to dress up and get wasted. Cunt HQ is buzzing with excitement because this is our favourite holiday of the year. Okay fine, it’s not actually a ‘holiday’ holiday like braai day or anything, but it is the best* thing that the old US of A exported over here. (*From a list that otherwise included childhood obesity, shitty hamburger chains, any and everything pertaining to Jared Leto and 30 Seconds from Mars, and that time the Kardashians came to visit.)

Now we know you’re racking your brains trying to come up with an outfit that is better than anything your friends could possibly think of, so we’re stepping in to offer some assistance – cunt style. Because for the sweet love of any god that is merciful, we don’t need another slutty version of an acceptable profession/beloved childhood cartoon. Or hairy legs in fishnets/balls bulging in leggings – yes boys, I'm talking to you.

No.