Backpacker hostels are pretty great. Well, most of the time
anyway. They offer cheap and cheerful accommodation, usually close to all the
tourist attractions, and help us SA adventurers eke out a holiday on the
long-suffering Rand. But dorm-living means getting up close and personal with other
adventurers… and sometimes these people are strange.
The Drunken
Australian
Are there any people left in Australia? Surely not. The rest
of the world is heaving with travelling Aussies so there can’t be more than
four or five left to rattle around in the outback. London is basically
Melbourne these days, Europe is fit to burst and both Americas seem pretty full
up as well. Now I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. I'm simply saying that
they are there. And usually drunk. Every beer is a potential drinking game,
every night the biggest party of your life. Line your stomach, apologise to
your liver, say goodbye to your dignity and roll with it. Also take lots of
pictures – holidays are about making memories and you won’t remember a fucking
thing.
The Awkward-Making
Couple
Too cheap to cough up for a Double and too horny to care.
The only fucks these two give are the fucks they give each other, and your €13/night
just bought you a front row seat to the live sex show. It’s hard to tell when
these two actually see the sights because they spend their days cuddling and
their nights hitting it hard. And when I say 'it' I'm talking about their
genitals. Invest in some earplugs and an eye mask. Fingers crossed you’re not
the unfortunate bunk-mate because this is not going to be the ménage à
trois you dreamed about.
The Silent
Technophile
The only time you’ll hear them speak is when they ask for
the wifi password. After that it’s just the rhythmic tapping of fingers on
laptop keys to let you know they’re still alive. The dim glow from their iPad
screen at 2am will light your way to the loo, which is a plus. All in all not
the worst dorm mate to have. Unless of course they are watching porn…
The Spiritual
American
This is your 6am wake up call. Their sun salutations from
the yoga mat laid out in the centre of the room is your downward dog of
exhaustion as you wake to the sight of their undercarriage thrust out in your
direction. Make eye contact and say goodbye to the next hour of your life as
they discuss their personal-growth reasons for embarking on this odyssey. Of
course they are “infatuated with the energy of this city”. Next stop is Asia,
where they plan to find themselves.
The
Life-on-the-Edgers
Somewhere in some suburban household there is a mother
quietly sobbing, or planning to turn a bedroom into a crafting nook. This
adventurer’s plans are so crazy, you’re pretty certain they’re not going to
make it home alive. Going solo, these dare-devils are about to travel by
unicycle to the heart of the DRC or hitchhike through Syria. Their stories are
unbelievable and a good way to spend an evening at the bar, just don’t get any
ridiculous ideas. And give your mother a call.
[Pic source: here]
