Any seasoned traveller will know the pain of deciding what to pack for their holiday. Despite all the adventures this cunt has had, that night before spent stuffing things into bags is a damned horror-fest of discarded shirts and undecided third, fourth and even fifth cozzies because… well, just in case. Then you have to fit those four sombreros into the car or jam your handluggage (read all your shoes) into the overhead locker when you squeeze onto the plane with all those other overweight (bags not bulge) travellers. And while we all like to think that we’re free-spirited beasties, even the freest spirit needs a clean pair of knicks to grace the under-carriage every day so don’t give me this ‘do South America in three months with nothing but a fannypack and some cargo shorts’ bullshit.
I’ve noticed that it is near impossible to scroll through Pinterest without encountering a deluge of attractively designed lists of what to include in your suitcase. Whether gallivanting through Europe, or swanning about on a fancy yacht you can find a ‘Things Arranged Neatly’ post of over-priced basics for any type of Instagram-worthy vackay. But from personal experience my luggage is never ‘neatly anything’ and it still has to jostle for boot-space with the gin and all those bottles of tonic.
While I still haven’t figured out how to avoid having half my smalls stuffed into my handbag or how to do roadtrips not sitting on three bags of firewood, there are a few things I have learnt along the way:
You’ll probably need a towel
Even if it’s some sort of sarong-vibe that you can use as scarf or wrap or most likely to sit on when the sand is hot, have something that you can use to dry yourself. There is a certain indignity in having to perform the rub down (no, not that - sies) with the dirty clothes you were wearing that day. And before you ‘pshhht’ about not going to the beach for the hols, I can assure you that you should be bathing wherever you choose to frolic.
If you don’t wear it at home, you probably won’t wear it not-at-home
That easy-breezy boho frock that’s been hanging in your closet for the past four years isn’t suddenly going to be the perfect outfit for the oh-so-grown-up city break. If you feel like a total wang each time you put it on, that’s not going to change simply because your location does. I’m afraid your life is not Gossip Girl when they were in Paris that time Chuck Bass forgot who he was and you tend to stay you despite the fact that your window view is a panorama of exciting new sights rather than simply your dog having a poo in the back garden.
Take at least one ‘out of season’ item
The time I went to Barcelona it snowed. I’m not going to pretend that this happened at the height of summer, but how often do you think it snows in damned Barcelona? You’ll also feel a bit of a tosser if a sudden heat wave leaves you dressed in your winter black like a teen goth while all about you are summer brights. I’m not saying take everything you own along on your mini-break, but don’t scoff at a warmer jacket in summer and something less woolen during the colder months.
Apparently you should roll everything
According to Joan Collins, you should pack your things between sheets of tissue paper to halt creasing, but lets attempt to exist somewhere within the realm of reality – rolling is supposed to do the same thing. I think it helps fit all your shit into your bag with a smidge of space for an extra pair or two of undies. And trust me, you’ll want that.
And for the love of everything holy, please take comfortable shoes
I’m not going to explain this to you; you’re not a bunch of morons.
Otherwise take what you love to wear, what you can wear more than once if need be, and don’t forget your sunnies.
