You’re an adventurer so obviously you’re as sexy as all
hell. When you’re out and about having fun and living the shit out of life,
people are going to meet you and then try to fuck you.
Yes they are. And you
are going to meet other adventurers who make you feel things in your
undercarriage too. These feelings are going to turn into touchings, which in
turn become a bit of heavy petting. Suddenly your knickers are round your
ankles and you are exploring the down town area together.
I'm going to assume that you have already sat through some
awkward ‘when mommy and daddy loved each other they had a special hug and that
made you’ talks and you’re aware of all the little things that can make your
sexy bits very sad. You’re not stupid, so we can skip the part about protection
and go straight to the truly awful repercussion:
Feelings…
There is always the chance that those feelings that became
touchings will go back to being feelings – except this time they are in your
heart, not just your genitals. The worst! So guard your heart more fiercely
even then your unsullied vagina (or penis), because heart herpes will linger
long after the rash of holiday instagrams fade.
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Now before you go get all Miss Havisham (Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
you uneducated heathen) on us, let me explain myself. I’m not saying don’t hook
up, not even close. Hook away, you whorish traveller, but be realistic of what
will be: just a holiday romance that ends as your visa runs out.
So take each sunset smooch and moonlit swim and treasure it
for what it is. Have that tent sex, dorm sex or 5-star luxury hotel shag or
hold hands as you look at the stars together, if that’s more your thing. And at
the end of your holiday say goodbye to your hottie and pack those memories away
in your wank bank/treasure chest of magical moments and return to your real life
with your heart looking to the future not hankering for the past.
Maybe I'm totally wrong and your tent pal becomes your life
partner, but statistically I'm most likely right. So enjoy the sun, revel in
the sex, but always survive the romance.
