Gather ‘round friends and settle yourselves down for I am
about to tell you the story of the greatest game ever invented. A game so
intense, you will begin it as friends, play it as mortal enemies intent on
total destruction, and end it as drunks. You could also end it bleeding
profusely, but that – after all – is up to you. For this is the drinking
version of Jumanji…. (Cue hushed yet fearful whispers…)
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| Only the boldest should take their place at the game table |
No, not beer pong you disgusting excuse for a wretched
human. Beer pong is nothing more than a splash pool in the Olympic dreams of
drinking games. If say, drinking games were the 100m medley or the 50m
backstroke. Whoops, gone lost my train of thought – yes, behold the game of
Pingy-Pong!
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| The ball in play |
What you need:
Shiploads of miscellaneous alcohol (preferably things that
will curdle)
Numerous shot glasses
Straws
A glass for each player
Ping pong ball
A gathering of humans you are willing to cut in a heartbeat
Oh, and a table to play around
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| The game begins when the ping pong ball hits the table |
Place one shot glass in the centre of the table and then
balance the ping pong ball on top of it. The rest of the shot glasses can be
placed anywhere on the table as long as the area is evenly covered – these will
be your obstacles. Fill the shot glasses with the most horrifying concoctions
that you can imagine.
Seat players around the table with their individual drinks
set in front of them, on the table. These drinks must never be empty! Each
player is given a straw.
Right, let’s begin! Straws to lips, everyone leans in and
attempts to blow the ball (yes, I said blow the ball you filthy gutter sop)
from its resting spot. Once the ball is live on the table, the aim is to use your straw to blow (I’m going to be using
this word a lot, so best get over your childish laughter now) the ball off the
table – but near one of your opponents. Whoever is closest to the spot where
the ball rolled off must drink the drink in front of them. Should the ball hit
any of the shot glass hazards during play, whoever gets blamed for the hit must
take that shot. When the ball is blown off the table, return it to its starting
position and begin again. Refill shot glasses and individual drinks as
necessary.
Play continues until you can’t stand. Or until someone falls
on a wine glass and starts bleeding a lot. Good luck! May the odds be ever in
your favour.
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| Mmmm, curdled pink mucus |
