Unless your travels exclusively involve first-class flights
and 5-star luxury (lucky bint, please be my friend) you’re going to experience
occasional/very regular potholes on the road. Jozi-dwellers, I know we could
write anthologies on the subject. So in bad times and the good it’s worth
having a solid gang of miscreants to keep you company. I'm sure even solo
travellers can recognise the need for a shared beer along the way.
I assume we all have friends – yes? Yes. Great, that’s
always a good starting point. Not all of these people are particularly useful
so put your culling pants on and remove, metaphorically speaking, anyone who
does not like dirt, new places, or being uncomfortable at times. Don’t laugh,
these people do actually exist. Also, I hope no one did a literal cull – you
shouldn't be allowed to travel either you over eager sociopath!
Now from these excellent people left on the list, let’s look
at the key (but by no means definitive) questions that should help you choose
those travel buddies who will make even the worst* situations bearable.
[*imagine 36 hours on a bus from Blantyre to Johannesburg
after the toilet has exploded on you**.]
[**you not being me.]
Do they complement
you?
Not compliment, you moron. You better not need constant
reassurance and affirmation. If that’s the case then strike yourself from the
list instead. Sorry, I got sidetracked. Let’s get back to the point at hand. If
you’re one of those people who are exactly the same as all their friends, then
I can only plead caution when you leave the ‘burbs. Who is going to drag the
other’s broken body home after your latest “great idea”? What you really need
is someone whose strengths and weaknesses complement your own. Lacking in time
management? Perhaps find a friend who will ensure you don’t miss every plane,
bus and train en route. Not great with foreign languages? How about a buddy who
is entirely fluent in hand gestures and meaningful grunts? I'm not saying you
must only travel with your polar opposites, but it can be useful having someone
take control when you've just vomited up your malaria tablet behind a truck stop
bathroom. If you can even call that a bathroom…
Do they have a sense
of humour?
Sometimes there is nothing to be done, but laugh about the
ridiculous/terrifying situation you have just stumbled upon. Even if that laugh
is nothing more than a strangled guffaw you’re forcing out to hide the fact
that you’re actually sobbing like a little bitch or have pissed your pants.
We've all been in those situations. Like that wrong turn you took on the road
trip that led you to a burned out village in the dead of night that could only
be inhabited by murders and/or zombies. Or that time you fell down the anchor
hole on the yacht and everyone was too drunk to pull you out. In fact that last
“hypothetical situation” leads nicely into the second part of this point. If
someone is not that funny, are you able to have a laugh at their expense? This
is another very useful feature to consider when picking someone to share your
next big adventure.
Do they have
acceptable taste in music?
This is an important one; I could almost venture to say the
most important. Long road trips will not be pleasant if you’re into adult
contemporary and they prefer to relax with some soothing death metal. You may
have to compromise at points along the way, but at the very least manage to
stomach each other’s drive mixes. Otherwise can I suggest an enthralling audio
book? We once traversed several Southern African countries gripped by a “tale
of a hooker with a heart of gold trying to make good in early 20th
Century Berlin”. Nothing short of gripped, I swear to you.
Having suggested three questions to ask yourself before
inviting Bert, from Grade 11 Maths, to come along on your 3 month Cape to Cairo
endeavour, I have but one more suggestion to make:
At least once, travel with strangers. Or at least some
people you do not know particularly well. Sure you may discover that you
despise them, but then who gives a fuck? It’s not like you've ruined a
perfectly adequate friendship. That is, however, the less likely outcome. The
science of adventure almost guarantees that you’ll end up as lifelong pals.
Hell, that’s how I've picked up some of my favourite people.
